Category Archives: i try to be funny

Sunday School


Posted by avoque

While in DFW visiting Jim and Adrienne, we had the unfortunate luck of running into a youth group at a restaurant on Sunday afternoon. They were the most obnoxious bunch I’ve ever seen, but I knew exactly what to expect from them. Adrienne was not so lucky, I guess she had never experienced them on the level that I have. So I thought I should write down the personality types for her future reference.

The “Cool” Guy – He is the guy that can play guitar. He wears the trendy clothes like the real cool kids at school, but sings songs about how much he loves God. The housewives at church secretly want their daughters to fuck him so they can live vicariously through them.

The Alpha Male – Easy to spot with wardrobe of I love Jesus t-stirts, he is generally short in stature but makes up for it with his obnoxiously loud voice and spastic antics. In terms of sheer annoyance, he is only matched by the Alpha Female.

The Quiet Boyfriend – He’s been dating the Church Lovin’ Girl since like first grade and just continues to show up because he thinks he will eventually graduate from hand-holding to sex. He’ll likely marry her when they turn 18 because he wants it so bad. He’s going to be sorely disappointed.

The Gay Guy – Easy to spot because he’s the one with a girl on each arm. He’s super-gay but continues to believe that church can fix him. The church girls love him because he’s so easy to talk to and will revel in the fact that they used to hang out with “one of those gays”, but will totally turn their backs on him when he comes out of the closet his sophomore year of college.

The Rebel Girl – She dresses like the cool kids and hates church but continues to show up to events for one of the following reasons: her best friend is super into church, her parents would give her a ton of hell if she stopped going, or she has managed to corrupt one of the church boys and they have sex/do drugs in church on a regular basis.

The Quiet Girl – Already dressing the part of the non-sexy librarian, she is difficult to spot because most the time you won’t even notice her since she almost never speaks. She’ll develop an uncomfortable relationship with her 15 cats when she’s 50 and still single.

The Alpha Female – She’s the most religious of all and has no qualms about telling you so at any moment. She is impossible to miss because her voice is piercing even when she speaks in a normal tone. You can never have a conversation because she won’t let you get a word in and if you do happen to you can rest assured she isn’t listening to you.

The Church Lovin’ Girl – She loves God, plain and simple. she’s easy to spot with her homemade WWJD bracelet and tons of other Jesus paraphernalia. If she is abnormally hot for the church crowd, she surely has a long-term boyfriend that she’s been dating since first grade, but she wants to save herself until marriage. She’ll either marry her high school sweetheart or turn into a crack whore by the time she’s 19.

Youth Minister Guy – You can’t miss the “adult” in the group. Most of the time, he’s going to be the mid-30s guy using hip slang from 5 years ago. He has a myspace page so he can “keep an eye” on the kids in the youth group and will likely be featured on an episode of “To Catch a Predator”. He lives by Wooderson’s quote from Dazed and Confused: “That’s what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age.” He’ll be the Church Lovin’ Girl’s first customer when she breaks up with her boyfriend.

Yeah, yeah. I’m going to hell. Whatever.


haha funny


Posted by avoque

Well, I managed to make it through the comedy show. First off, thanks to the people that made it out to the show, I sincerely appreciate it.

Overall I felt like my set went well, but the show on the whole was a complete disaster. The MC never showed, so not only did the show start late, but it basically ran without a host the entire time, which is negative for a lot of reasons. Usually the MC is the established comedian that can get the audience laughing. I didn’t have that luxury. And unfortunately the woman who went before me had a terrible, terrible set. Oh well, there will definitely be a next time.

The post-show party was where the fun began though, Rudy’s, the fantastic dive bar, followed by absurd antics at Sing Sing. Yeah, because it totally makes sense to go to a kareoke bar after you’ve gone through a million pitchers of beer. Fantastic.


It’s happening again


Posted by avoque

As few of you remember, I took a stand-up comedy class earlier this year that ended with a performance at Caroline’s on Broadway. It’s happening again.

The details:
Where: Caroline’s on Broadway (Broadway between 49th and 50th)
When: Saturday Dec. 15th. Doors at 3:30pm.
How much: $10 cover and 2 drink minimum (I know it’s a bit steep, that’s just how it works until I get famous)
Why: I will either be funny or give you material to make fun of me with for the rest of my life. Plus you will have an excuse to get your drink on before the sun goes down on Saturday.

I know the five of you that read this regularly are nowhere near New York, but if you happen to be come watch me perform.


It’s like ‘haha’ funny


Posted by avoque

For those of you that weren’t aware, Kat and I took a standup comedy class through Manhattan Comedy School, which ended with a graduation performance at Carolines (though in the middle of the afternoon). It was an amazing experience. Some of my classmates had a lot of friends so the house was totally packed (somewhere around 300-400 people). To make it even better, some of my co-workers came out too. I was nervous as fuck, but I think I held my own well enough. I will eventually get a dvd copy of the performance, so the few of you that are actually interested in seeing it will get the opportunity to heckle me from the comfort of your own home. Please send a self-addressed stamped envelope, a blank dvd, and $49.95 and you can have this stellar performance before it’s on the shelves!