Seeing if I can get this whole posting from the phone thing happening again.

Johnny 5 is still alive.

It’s been a long time since I posted anything. Hell, it took me a good 20 minutes just to get logged in at all which gives you an idea of how long it’s been since I’ve paid attention to this site. Shit has just been busy I guess. So, what have I learned in the past couple years?

• – Ireland is awesome. I want to go again.
• Moving is hard. Even if you hire movers (which everyone should; If you are in NYC, I recommend The Padded Wagon), it’s still a giant pain in the ass.
• My new apartment may not be cheaper, but the apartment is much better and my commute went from three subway stops to three blocks.
• Paradise Lanes – There is still good bowling in New York, it’s just really far from my apartment.
• My knee finally works, unfortunately the rest of me is out of shape now.
• Touch football with Zogsports is fun, even if we are the worst team ever. We are undisputed champions at flipcup though and that’s where it really counts.
• Genesee Cream Ale. It’s not just for old people anymore.

So what’s left now? Eh, let’s just keep going with more of the same, minus the ACL tears.

Hard to believe it’s been three years, but my lease renewal form is always there to remind me. So what have I learned in the last year?

• Hicksville – isn’t just a town in Oklahoma anymore.
• Apparently NY extends beyond the NYC metro and Long Island.
• Montauk is farther than the Hamptons
• El Rey Del Sabor is absolutely the best Mexican food in the city. My waistline will suffer as a result of its proximity to work.
• Jury duty isn’t fun for anyone.
• I still love the Dead Milkmen.
• Video poker is awesome.
• The ACES train is pretty cool, but there is no way it can last given how empty our train was when we took it on a Friday in April.
• Pigeons ride the subway.
• Chicken Guaco Taco Loco = delicious
• The majority of bike paths in NYC suck. Central Park is ok, but gets supercrowded in the afternoon. Time to explore some other options.
• I pay way the fuck too much for this apartment. It’s time to move on to cheaper and better apartments.

So what’s up for this year? Moving, Coney Island, more A/C trips, and hopefully getting back to soccer (or getting another surgery) either way, something needs to happen with my knee.

I registered to vote in NY because I’m an adult and I value my civic duty. Of course, with my luck that also means that I would immediately get called for jury duty.

Jury duty in Manhattan is a minimum two day process. Having never served on a jury before I didn’t really know what to expect, so I showed up to day 1 armed with two magazines. By 9:30 I was bored out of my mind and ready to kill myself. Thankfully they let us out at mid-day because there’s no way I would have made it through the entire day. Day 2 on the other hand, I came prepared. NYC has free wifi so I brought my laptop and tried to get some work done. Of course once I really got started, I got selected for a supreme court case. Then it was 4 hours of lawyers explaining what malpractice is. It was painful, but given some of the questions and responses that people were giving, I’m amazed that any cases ever get settled. It’s situations like this that serve as a painful reminder that there are a lot of stupid people in the world. And the really crazy part of all of this is who actually got selected for the jury; I was really surprised at who was excluded. I’m sure there’s a valid reason for why they let some jurors go, but I can’t explain it.

I think I was let go not for my own statements, but rather for a statement that another potential juror made while I was in the room. I’m pretty sure he ‘biased’ all of us, I guess I should thank him. Otherwise I would be stuck in a weeklong trial as an alternate where I would likely be let go after I sat around listening to 5-7 days of medical testimony. I do think I have a valid reason for never serving on a jury. Most people already know that I have a serious bias against people who talk at me for more than 5 minutes straight. I should look into getting a medical waiver for that. I guess I have time now though, I don’t have to work a jury for 6 more years as long as I continue to live in Manhattan, which is definitely fuel to the “never move to the other boroughs” fire. See you in six years, suckers.

in the spirit of Amanda’s recent visit to the NYC, I decided I should write a subway rider’s guide for visitors.

First a few general observations:
1. While the first and last subway cars are generally less crowded, you always run the risk of running into a smelly homeless guy. If you are unfamiliar with the homeless, they can smell up an entire car (no joke).
2. If it is rush hour and you are not in a particular hurry, there is no reason to cram into a crowded train. The next train more than likely will be empty.
3. Yes, trains are gross, but if you are unfamiliar with the subway line hold on to something. Otherwise when it suddenly moves you will run into a stranger, which is almost worse than touching the handrail.
4. Shut the fuck up. Seriously. Yes, it is a giant train, but the people you are talking to are still RIGHT NEXT TO YOU. Unless Jason Voorhees (Jason from Friday the 13th) is on the train, no one gives a fuck.
5. Don’t look beggars in they eye. Gawk at them as they walk away like everyone else. They consider eye contact a desire to be bothered more.
6. Buying anything on the subway is asking to get swindled.
7. If you have a seat, offer it to anyone who gets on the train that is handicapped, pregnant, or old. It’s just nice.
8. Offering your seat to a hot girl does not mean she wants to hear you talk about yourself and how different the city is from New Jersey. And I don’t either – see number 4.
9. Girls – don’t accept a seat from a skeezy guy unless you want to torture yourself and everyone else on the train with his banal shtick.
10. It’s ok to people watch until they make eye contact with you. Then it’s only polite to find someone else to stare at until they are off guard again. Then it’s ok to start staring again.

The rules for picking a spot on the subway:
1. First and foremost: smell. If the car smells when you walk in, IMMEDIATELY find another car. The smell will only get worse.
2. In the summer, make sure the AC works. Key giveaways (besides the mugginess) are open windows.
3. Look for homeless people and get as far away as possible from them. Consider switching cars or waiting for the next train, if you aren’t in a hurry.
4. For seats, urinal rules apply; always sit as far as possible from the next person. You aren’t going to make friends with a stranger, so stay the hell away from them.
5. If you must stand, your goal should be to minimize contact with strangers. If that isn’t your priority, I have no idea why you are reading this. On a relatively empty car, minimum contact spot will be standing in the doorway opposite the platform side. Runner up would be the platform side of the door, as long as you move when people are getting on/off the train. Side benefit – you can just lean against the door instead of touching the handrail.
6. On a crowded train, the minimum contact will be 1/3rd and 2/3rd through the train. These are also the farthest spots from the exits. Note, you will have to make contact to get in out of this position.

A couple closing thoughts:
If you have selected someone to peoplewatch, try to position them between you and the subway map. this gives you a great reason to stare and if you need a closer look at them you can just go read the map.
I forgot to mention before, but on a uncrowded train, if you happen to get a seat, make yourself big to discourage others from sitting. don’t be obnoxious about it, but try something like setting your bag down next to you or practice your foot-tapper impression.

good luck and don’t touch anything.

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Happy 1yr anniversary, torn ACL.

It’s been almost a week since my surgery and I’m finally starting to get somewhat back to normal. The good news is that my doctor was right when he said I should expect to be walking within a couple days. He was totally wrong about my ability to get back to work though. I can still barely sit up for a couple hours before my knee starts to swell and become really annoying.

The surgery itself went swimmingly. Though there were some annoyances at the hospital (such as having the IV put in my hand instead of my arm), it wasn’t a bad experience. I managed to get home without incident. Something strange happened when I was walking back in to my building though. A doctor that was moving in to the building saw me, took one look at my bandage and knew the doctor that had performed the surgery. Turns out he was a Fellow for my doctor last year; he could tell my surgeon just by the way he wrapped my knee after the surgery. Crazy. And New York is how big?

The procedure itself turned out to be different than expected. I definitely had a bonespur that needed to be shaved off from the screw holding my new ACL in place; but my doctor was convinced my meniscus repair from the first surgery didn’t work and I was going to need to have it removed. Once he got in there, he realized that the meniscus repair was fine, but I somehow managed to tear my meniscus again. That’s right, between the first surgery (seven months ago, to be exact) and now. That explains the constant knee pain I’ve had since February (which is probably when I tore it).

The past week has gone by painfully slowly. I haven’t been able to concentrate enough to get anything useful done. I’ve just been laying around watching the same movies over and over again. That and playing GTA IV; but at this point, I have to admit, I’m starting to get tired of picking up hookers and killing them. Who knew that day would ever come?

Oh yeah, and the knee:

Who knows what the fuck that surgical resident used to write his initials on my knee, but that shit is not coming off. I’m an inch away from trying to bleach it off; and if that doesn’t work, I’ll cut it out like that guy with the tattoo on Six Feet Under.

Almost the same as the first surgery (they even used the same entry points):

That’s right, I’m having surgery again tomorrow. Hopefully this time it won’t fucking hurt all the time.