Movie Reviews – In my semi-conscious state, I’ve been watching a boatload of TV and movies.
All In – fantastically bad. Finally a movie about poker! And the main character is a girl! And her nickname is Ace! How cute is that?!? Story so full of holes I can’t even begin to question it. If they weren’t ruining poker, they were making amazingly inaccurate statements about medicine.
Shopgirl - This movie is based on a novel that Steve Martin wrote. He also stars in the movie with Claire Danes and she is his love interest. There is a scene where Claire Danes is naked lying on his bed. It’s like the episode of My So-Called Life you always hoped for. The movie itself is alright.
Twins - I only caught the end of this, but this movie totally reminds me of how unnecessary it was to have a solid plot in the late 80s. Genetically engineered twins separated at birth? That’s a good start, but how are we going to tie it all together in the end. Oh, right, with a stolen jet engine that some thugs are trying to sell on the black market. Now we’ve got a story. And don’t even get me started on the fact that anyone selling a prototype jet engine on the black market probably wouldn’t sell the actual prototype, but rather the plans for such a device. I also love reading the reviews on imdb, check this one:
“Twins is a hilarious film and one of DeVito and Schwarzenegger’s best films of all. Schwarzenegger is the kind of actor that can act in serious movies and funny movies. He certainly proves he can do that in this movie. And DeVito is just perfect for his role. From start to finish, Twins is a hilarious movie that makes your sides ache with laughter”
You’d think he was getting a kickback from the studio. My sides are aching.
Fight Club – Still awesome. Simply a fucking good movie. If you haven’t watched it you should. And if you didn’t like it, you probably don’t like me.
Back to the Future - For a pepsi commercial, it’s really good.
Back to the Future III – I’m still torn on whether this is worse than Part II or not. It is definitely not my favorite movie; though that didn’t keep me from watching the whole thing.
Second Sight – It’s always good to see Balki Bartakomos getting other acting gigs. This movie is terrible, though it is a good commercial for goobers, which are delicious.
The Roost – this is a shitty horror film that I only watched because it shares the name of my neighborhood cocktail bar by my house in Austin. This movie doesn’t even compare to an awesome karaoke 7 days a week bar.
Blade - that ‘bloodbath’ opening scene is still awesome. I love that song (Confusion – New Order).
50 First Dates – Oh Drew Barrymore and Adam Sandler, you might just turn into Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan if you don’t look out.
The Replacements – I’m a sucker for Keanu Reeves movies and football movies. Throw in a drunk English soccer player with a gambling problem as the kicker and you’ve got a winner. I guess they couldn’t get Sandra Bullock, so they went with the look-a-like, Brooke Langton http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0486728/
Happy Gilmore – Still one of Adam Sandler’s best movies
Spies Like Us – classic.
Shawshank Redemption – so good. It also makes it easy to pass 3 hours of your day without noticing.
Mallrats – This movie probably has the worst plot of all of the Kevin Smith movies, but I like it the most. Just so quotable, it ends with Suzanne by Weezer, and Shannon Dougherty is in it. What’s not to like?
Revenge of the Nerds – I can’t say enough good things about this movie. It still holds up today. I do like how they were able to win the carnival by using naked pictures that they had secretly taken of the cool sorority. The Lamda Lamda Lamda music performance definitely makes the movie great. It still cracks me up how much the 120 Days song “Come out come down fade out” reminds me of this song. Especially since they were such douchebags the two times I’ve seen them live.
Revenge of the Nerds II – I love that at the beginning of the movie Booger packs a bag of condoms to take to Miami with him. Half of them are already open. I guess you have little concern when your name is Booger. You can tell this movie is good because it ends with a high five.
Revenge of the Nerd III – I like to see the third in a series, particularly when the second one sucked so much. It’s an easy way to determine which actors from the first movie are completely washed up. This movie is terrible. Under no circumstances should you subject yourself to it. My favorite moment is when they replaced Gilbert with a different actor at the end of the movie. And it was a fat guy at that. I guess Anthony Edwards is too famous to be doing cameos in Revenge of the Nerds movies.
Roads – I watched this entire movie, but it didn’t make much impact on me. I guess there was some kind of supernatural aspect to it, that I didn’t expect from the cable guide description and when it ended I thought there was at least another 30 minutes left in the movie.
2 Fast 2 Furious – To this day I still haven’t seen the original fast and the furious. But I have seen 2 and 3 a million times. Tonight 2 Fast is on USA. I like watching these movies on regular cable because I love to see the way they cut out bad words and such. This movie is full of bad hand gestures, like flipping off and the jerking off motion. Someone went in and digitally fixed the flipping off so it was just a fist in the air. I want to meet the kid who does stuff like that for a living. It must be hard to describe on your resume. This movie also features one of the cheesiest torture techniques I think I’ve ever witnessed in a “legitimate” movie. The bad guy puts a rat on someone’s stomach, puts a metal pail over the rat and the uses a blowtorch on the pail, which somehow convinces the rat that it needs to chew its way out. It seems like the pail would just burn the man severely before the rat really started doing its thing. Maybe I don’t know that much about rats though. Either way, watch this movie, you’ll like it, but be ashamed that you do.
Selena – Oh Selena, she was so ghetto fabulous and would have been a huge star if she hadn’t been killed by Yolanda, who mannerisms resemble my mother’s. I’ve probably seen this movie 15 times, but this is the first time I caught it on a movie channel. They definitely cut out a lot of Tejano music action to make the movie fit into 2hrs with commercials. And damn Jennifer Lopez does bear a striking resemblance to Selena. I still remember the time my mom asked me if I wanted to meet Selena. I really didn’t know who Selena was at the time and I had no desire to fall for another “spending time together” trick, so I passed.