Sweet Charity

20 October, 2005 (16:35) | Uncategorized

Now that I’ve been out of college for five years, my alma mater has really uped the pressure on me to donate to the university. Now I do donate to charities, but generally just causes I believe in or organizations that I want to be a member of (membership in a lot of organizations is tax-deductible). But last time I was on campus, the fundraiser people told me about an exciting opportunity for me to donate money to the University and be selfish and vain at the same time. For $1000/year, I can have my own scholarship. For $1500/year I could sponsor my own graduate student, but let’s face it, I don’t particularly like grad students, so there’s no sense in paying one.

I do like the idea of having my own scholarship though. I could come up with stringent requirements that barely anyone could meet. Or I could have an insanely long questionnaire that the student had to fill out to apply. I already have some questions lined up:

  1. Who would win a fight between Kid and Play? Why?
  2. Which movie is better: Disorderlies or Krush Groove? Why?
  3. Describe the plot of Police Academy 7.
  4. In the two-part episode of Different Strokes where Arnold gets held hostage in a bank robbery, what does he request from the police?
  5. If Jesse was such a bitch all the time, why did the Saved by the Bell gang continue to hang out with her?
  6. What did Steve (from 90210) give to the gas station attendant to get directions to the super-secret rave?
  7. Which would you rather wear - leopard print or cow print?
  8. What was the name of the club that Dalton worked at before the Double Deuce in Road House?
  9. Who is Gus’ least favorite professor at OU? Why? (Hint: she still sucks and she still teaches there)
  10. Which is a worse crime against humanity when programming in C++ - overusing GOTO statements or using one-based array manipulation rather than zero-based?

Now I understand that you’d have to really know me in order to know the answer to question 9, so I guess rather than requiring a 100%, I’ll just go with a 90%. Oh yeah, and no partial credit, I need to maintain the integrity of the Gustavo Gonzalez Scholarship. Feel free to try the questions yourself.

***the title of this post references to Mr. Bungle’s California***

Comments

Comment from masman21
Date: October 21, 2005, 8:23 pm

Oh wait I think I had her too. In the voice of Jame Gumb Is she a great big fat person?

Comment from gus away from the metroplaza
Date: October 24, 2005, 3:22 pm

HAHAHA. Any reference to Silence of the Lambs is awesome. Now I have to go watch the Greenskeepers video again.

Comment from Jim B
Date: October 25, 2005, 11:59 am

1. Kid wins. He is half white and grew up in the Bronx, while play was from Queens. I think Kid has more experience with physical confrontations.

2. IMDB gives Krush Groove a 5.9 while disorderlies only received a 3.8. While I saw Disorderlies more times, I am going to give the nod to Krush Groove, mainly because the writer’s name is the closet real word to fhqwhgads I have ever seen.

3. Police Academy 7: Mission to Moscow had the police academy bunch getting recruited by the Russians to stop an addictive video game marketed by the Russian Mafia. The video game contained some kind of back door into computer systems, and the mafia was planning a bigger, better to the sequel to the game. Who knew Police Academy 7 was so prophetic concerning the rise of video game sequels?

4. You win. I am not worthy of your scholarship.

5. I think the other Saved by the Bell kids were all gluttons for punishment. Maybe she was the only one who knew a dealer.

6. Again, I am not worthy.

7. Trick question. Neither answer is acceptable.

8. While looking around IMDB for the answer, I discovered someone had taken the time to write and submit a Roadhouse haiku. Unfortunately, you had to be a registered IMDB member to view it. Like most great poetry, it will be misunderstood and under-appreciated while the author is still alive, yet invariably bring him much posthumous fame and admiration.

9. I think I know, but I am not going to put it here.

10. I have to with one-based arrays. GOTO is at least a feature of C++ and does have legitimate use. If you write an array that uses one-based indexing, you are just trying to make C++ act like The Language You’d Rather Be Using ©. A one-based array is unlikely to be re-used by the rest of a development team. Regardless of one-based vs. zero-based, you should be manipulating a container through an iterator, not an index.

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