Now that I’ve been out of college for five years, my alma mater has really uped the pressure on me to donate to the university. Now I do donate to charities, but generally just causes I believe in or organizations that I want to be a member of (membership in a lot of organizations is tax-deductible). But last time I was on campus, the fundraiser people told me about an exciting opportunity for me to donate money to the University and be selfish and vain at the same time. For $1000/year, I can have my own scholarship. For $1500/year I could sponsor my own graduate student, but let’s face it, I don’t particularly like grad students, so there’s no sense in paying one.
I do like the idea of having my own scholarship though. I could come up with stringent requirements that barely anyone could meet. Or I could have an insanely long questionnaire that the student had to fill out to apply. I already have some questions lined up:
- Who would win a fight between Kid and Play? Why?
- Which movie is better: Disorderlies or Krush Groove? Why?
- Describe the plot of Police Academy 7.
- In the two-part episode of Different Strokes where Arnold gets held hostage in a bank robbery, what does he request from the police?
- If Jesse was such a bitch all the time, why did the Saved by the Bell gang continue to hang out with her?
- What did Steve (from 90210) give to the gas station attendant to get directions to the super-secret rave?
- Which would you rather wear – leopard print or cow print?
- What was the name of the club that Dalton worked at before the Double Deuce in Road House?
- Who is Gus’ least favorite professor at OU? Why? (Hint: she still sucks and she still teaches there)
- Which is a worse crime against humanity when programming in C++ – overusing GOTO statements or using one-based array manipulation rather than zero-based?
Now I understand that you’d have to really know me in order to know the answer to question 9, so I guess rather than requiring a 100%, I’ll just go with a 90%. Oh yeah, and no partial credit, I need to maintain the integrity of the Gustavo Gonzalez Scholarship. Feel free to try the questions yourself.
***the title of this post references to Mr. Bungle’s California***