Sweet Charity

Now that I’ve been out of college for five years, my alma mater has really uped the pressure on me to donate to the university. Now I do donate to charities, but generally just causes I believe in or organizations that I want to be a member of (membership in a lot of organizations is tax-deductible). But last time I was on campus, the fundraiser people told me about an exciting opportunity for me to donate money to the University and be selfish and vain at the same time. For $1000/year, I can have my own scholarship. For $1500/year I could sponsor my own graduate student, but let’s face it, I don’t particularly like grad students, so there’s no sense in paying one.

I do like the idea of having my own scholarship though. I could come up with stringent requirements that barely anyone could meet. Or I could have an insanely long questionnaire that the student had to fill out to apply. I already have some questions lined up:

  1. Who would win a fight between Kid and Play? Why?
  2. Which movie is better: Disorderlies or Krush Groove? Why?
  3. Describe the plot of Police Academy 7.
  4. In the two-part episode of Different Strokes where Arnold gets held hostage in a bank robbery, what does he request from the police?
  5. If Jesse was such a bitch all the time, why did the Saved by the Bell gang continue to hang out with her?
  6. What did Steve (from 90210) give to the gas station attendant to get directions to the super-secret rave?
  7. Which would you rather wear – leopard print or cow print?
  8. What was the name of the club that Dalton worked at before the Double Deuce in Road House?
  9. Who is Gus’ least favorite professor at OU? Why? (Hint: she still sucks and she still teaches there)
  10. Which is a worse crime against humanity when programming in C++ – overusing GOTO statements or using one-based array manipulation rather than zero-based?

Now I understand that you’d have to really know me in order to know the answer to question 9, so I guess rather than requiring a 100%, I’ll just go with a 90%. Oh yeah, and no partial credit, I need to maintain the integrity of the Gustavo Gonzalez Scholarship. Feel free to try the questions yourself.

***the title of this post references to Mr. Bungle’s California***